Tag Archives: hidden religious abuse

Darlene Scott’s Story

When a church becomes a gated community that’s when the devil has taken residency. My name is Darlene and I was a victim of childhood molestation. At the age of 53, I want to share my history of abuse when I married the junior pastor of my church. In the beginning, we had so much fun. But, when his mother, an evangelist, saw we were moving towards marriage, her horrible demeanor became worse. Everyone, including her son, knew she was abusive. She often displayed the physical and mental abusive behaviors at church. Each time, she had an outburst, the pastor always made excuses for her.

My future husband would often share the horrific stories of his mother’s wrath and, he felt once we were married that we would live happily ever after. Well it didn’t happen. Once we were married, he became physically and mentally abusive just like his mother for eight long years. I tried everything to make his mother love me. I stayed in the marriage because I thought prayer and my goodness would rub off on him. My husband had so many disguises it was hard for me to keep up. What people didn’t know was that he loved drugs more than God and our family. I couldn’t believe his behavior, I trusted him with all my secrets, as he did me. He knew my pain, why did he hurt me?

I turned to the minister of every church we attended and I was told the same thing, “You took a vow for better or worse, till death do you part. Keep praying for your husband.” But, God had other plans for me. I divorced the bum and the cult. I said cult because we worshipped in a gated facility, where whatever happened in the church stayed in the church. We were taught it was against the will God to call the authorities on another church member, because prayer changes things.

I realized the sexual assault I survived as a child had hindered my mental growth as an adult. I allowed the pain BECAUSE I was use to being hurt. I found healing through prayer and writing. Writing poetry and short stories took me on an adventure that provided hope for my future. I received closure when I was BLESSED to write a powerful fictional story that mirrors episodes of me and my daughter’s past. The generational curse was broken when God gave me something my mother didn’t have when I was molested – courage — and the courage I found, led me to file charges against my daughter’s molester. Even though we couldn’t get a conviction, we won spiritually.

When my book, What A Nice Guy!, hit Amazon, I was in tears with joy because I had WON! I had written a book exposing the devil. In addition, children will learn from my story. This past week, I have received so many tweets, Facebook messages and telephone calls from friends from my first church family. For over 35 years, I took it personally because I never received the respect I wanted from my former mother-in-law.  My husband had shared parts of the dysfunction of his family.  I knew his siblings were tortured from their past. His youngest brother was arrested and convicted for several sexual assaults at the age of sixteen. The other brother was a child molester as well as a homosexual infected with Aids. His brother was responsible for the death of his nephew whom he repeatedly sexually assaulted over the years. The sister left the family at an early age for a life of prostitution and drugs. She later gave birth to two boys whom my mother-in-law loved to torture. This lady never missed a church service and has preached many sermons! The reason why she hated me so much, I discovered from members of my old church, is that all those years I was married to her son she was having sex with each of her children and the children were having sex with one another. My husband never told me that incest was taking place in his home.  This information made  me sick to my stomach, but yet gave me closure. I’m grateful to God that he protected my child from the demonic spirit of incest. My story is one of many that occurred within that Pentecostal church and, possibly many other religions.

When stories of child molestation are discovered, in their ignorance, people blame God. The first lesson a Christian should learn in Bible school: God is love and he loves children. The devil wears many disguises. We must learn to unmask the child molester and take God out of the demonic behavior.

We live in a society, where teaching children “Good touch, Bad touch” is not good enough anymore. No one is exempt as far as I’m concern. Because the majority of the survivors I know were molested by family members or friends of the family.  Parents, listen with your heart and observe what is not being said when a child’s behavior is different in the presence of someone he or she once adored. The purpose of writing my book was to educate parents, so that they teach their children my safety concept.

Be encouraged to view my youtube promo at ability46K or to buy my book on amazon.com to protect your children – What A Nice Guy! By Darlene L. Scott

The Elephant on the Teeter-Totter – By Nancy Bicknell

From the Author:

Nancy’s story echoes the truth of what many abuse victims deal with in any denomination where abuse occurs. As people that represent God, it is morally and ethically imperative that we not allow these abusers to get away with their abuses. Nancy’s sons have not received vindication nor restitution for their abuse. The abusers are still walking free – free to molest other children because of the power and positions they hold. If you know of abuse in your church, or, you are a victim of abuse, please find the courage to speak out. Your story is welcome on this blog so that your voice can be heard and you can be an encouragement to the countless thousands who have been silenced by their abusers and the churches they are a part of. There is no longer a need to be silenced while your abusers move on to their next victim. Think about it, and add your weight to the Teeter Totter. Which side will you choose?

Independent Fundamental Baptist Teeter-Totter

Independent Fundamental Baptist Teeter-Totter

Sexual Abuse is not about sex. It is about POWER and CONTROL. The I.F.B. abusers already have more POWER and CONTROL than the Independent Fundamental Baptist victim by grooming their prey. It is our job to sit on the other end of the teeter-totter and equalize and bring balance to the victim. The I.F.B. abusers know full well how to stand up for themselves and invite others to sit on their side of the teeter-totter so they can continue to have the POWER and gain even more POWER ….POWER…POWER. I decided, finally, that I had to sit on one side or the other, but I cannot sit on both while there are still victims in pain.

Making a choice which side you want to add your weight to is an individual choice. When I was drawing the White Elephant on a Teeter-Totter, I wanted to cry because I know what it feels like to have an entire I.F.B. church side with the abusers and blame the victims (my sons) as liars and bad people. I have chosen to find the POWER with GOD. I choose to seek power to heal my family and others who were hurt in the I.F.B. church.

I had a lot of therapy after the I.F.B. abuse and, the comment I remember the Doctor saying every time I would say, “I think I will go back to Calvary Baptist Church” was this:  ” Well Nancy, you know what that soup tastes like.” Each time I went back and sat by the elephants in the pew, I grew sicker. Then, I was put in a position as I entered the I.F..B church on Mother’s Day, of all days, to have to shake my son’s abuser’s hand because he was the I.F.B. church greeter and was giving flowers to the Moms.

I took my little red rose from him and walked away after doing my little plastic smile. It felt like GOD HAD STABBED my heart as I walked to my Sunday School class thinking, “Did you just smile and take a flower from your son’s rapist on MOTHER’S DAY?” I argued with my thoughts saying, “but I told the I.F.B. church leaders and they still put the RAPIST as a GREETER on Mother’s Day.” I knew what God had to say to me and what I had to say to myself. “You know better…so do better.”

With fear in my heart, a rose in my hand, and God at my side, I walked out of the church’s back door and again walked in the front door to be received by the Greeter. He looked at me as if to say, “Didn’t we just do this?” I held my breath…deep breath, as though I was taking in the Power of God, and I told him that my son had told me about a spanking and the terrible thing he had done to him during the spanking. He looked at me and said, “I don’t remember ever spanking Doug.” He continued to inform me how many boys had told him how much they appreciated their “spankings” and he finished his statement saying with tears in his eyes that “He loved those boys.” He had tears in his eyes and so did I as I stood inches from him and our eyes were locked. The tears frozen in time on our cheeks.

As a therapist, I knew his words were that of a pedophile feeling justified saying “I was only loving those boys.”. As an I.F.B., I heard him say “I loved those boys and you must love me.” But as a mother, I heard him say ” Yep, I loved him. I do not believe that he is harmed, and you can not prove I hurt him because I am in a position of authority; and well, you are just a Mom.”

I made a choice that day as a therapist. I understood his tears. As a Christian, I reached out and hugged him among the tears. But as a MOM, my primary responsibility, I walked away knowing I would have to leave the I.F.B. church if they did not support me. They did not support me, and I was walked out of the church as I walked willing out in my heart.

A mother has to choose her child when the church does not. I have tried from that day forward, to sit on the I.F.B. victim’s side. I will never add my weight to the I.F.B. abuser by sitting in the pew by I.F.B. abusers, or with them, and those who cover for the abuser, saying they are protecting the IMAGE of GOD. My sons and the other I.F.B. victims are heroes — beautiful and innocent little boys and girls who deserve our support. SO, sit with the victims! They need you!

The I.F.B. abusers have hundreds of supporters in the I.F.B. church as well as its leaders. Are you smiling and taking a red rose from a child’s abusers? Are you taking a rose to your seat in the I.F.B. church of Pastors who support the abusers instead of the I.F.B. victims? Are you sitting in an I.F.B. pew thinking you can hold on to your rose and hold the hand of an I.F.B. victim? Sit up IFBers who are not speaking up against abuse and SMELL THE ROSES.